Racing the Wind
by SilverStarsFalling
Summary: Edwards venom doesn't travel through Bella fast enough. Renesmee dies because of the destrached placenta. Jacob makes Seth go back to Sams pack but not Leah. And now they have only each other to bear through the agony. Rating may change.
1. Chapter 1

I plunged into the wide ocean of pain before me with a swan dive, might as well make a good entrance.

Bella is dead. I heard her heart stop beating; her lungs stop breathing, her blood stop moving. She's dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.

The little monster in her hadn't survived either; my only regret was that I couldn't kill the demon myself.

"Jake!" Seth called running up to me. "You okay man?" He asked taking in my expression.

"No." I mutter before using my alpha voice with the strong words, "Seth, go back to Sam's pack. You are not in my pack anymore. You are with Sam. Go, now." The alpha voice sounded strangely right coming from me. Like I was born to be alpha. Which actually I kinda was.

Seth's shoulders slumped and his lower lip jutted out, his frame shook uncontrollably and ran off in the direction of La Push. Good, he belongs there.

Leah whimpered coming up next to me, her dark grey fur brushing against my arm. "Yeah, you can stay in my pack Leah. If you want, I mean." Her large brown eyes were sympathetic. "You can basically go wherever you want too I guess. Makes no difference to me. I'll probably be wolf from now on."

Leah poked me with her wet nose and ran off out of my sight to un-phase.

When she came back she said two words to me. "Thank you." I felt the sincerity and genuine gratitude in her words even though I'm not connected to her mind right now. Well, at least I could make someone happy here.

Leah's POV

"So, how'd … uh, Sam take it?" I asked into the phone. I heard Seth's heavy sigh.

"Not too good. There was a lot of howling, and screaming, and cursing, and running around trying to find either you or Jake. They all really do miss you though Leah," then he gave an embarrassed chuckle and said, "I know I do. Hell, even Paul misses you; he doesn't really have anyone to fight with anymore. Emily feels terrible about it. She blames herself but I think she's also kinda happy that you left 'cause you always wanted to. Anyway … we all really miss you big 'sis. And Jacob."

I pause and grip the phone a little too hard, almost crushing it. Razor blades glide along my body slowly, letting me memorize the pain. Sam. Misses. Me?

"Okay, that was a pretty convincing speech but it doesn't change anything Seth. Sorry. Tell mom I love her okay? Bye." I forced my voice to sound strong and brave but it did crack just a bit when I talked about mom.

"Wait, Leah, where are you-" I hung up on my little brother.

Shaking uncontrollably I sprinted back to the woods, leaving the little payphone behind me along with the small town I hadn't bothered to look up the name.

I exploded out of my skin, calming myself down just long enough to strip down and tie my dirty, torn clothes to my leg. Then I just ran.

I could hear Jakes thoughts but tried my best not to snoop on where he was, what he was doing, or how he felt. But it's hard, trying to keep my mind to my own. The second I morphed I already knew he was somewhere up in Northern Canada, he was just running, not really doing anything, and he was in more pain that I could have imagined. Oh, wait. No I can imagine this torture; I've already been through it. Still am.

He wasn't really thinking about anything, or at least attempting not to, and just focused on the smells around him. I followed his example and learnt all the different scents of Lower Canada.

Hunger grew in the pit of my stomach and I distracted myself from his pain and mine by stalking a herd of deer, my sights of the largest one. I try to let my wolf instincts rule me, like before when Jacob showed me how, as I snap the male deer's neck with my teeth.

And to much my surprise, Jake helps me. Again. I'm not totally sure if it was intentional or not but his wolf instincts helped bring out mine. Hmm, I could see how going total wolf like this could be appealing if you knew how.

All too soon, a highway is coming up. With a sigh I morph back and put on my tattered white tee, and ripped jean shorts. The guys are so lucky they don't have to carry around shirts; they're the most fragile and always end up getting shredded on a branch. I look like a homeless, which actually I am, poor, yeah that's me too, feral and aggressive, damn still me, woman. So the outside reflects the inside for me then. Cool.

A couple truckers ask if I need a ride, I ignore them.

Walking bare foot down the dirty side of a highway though, I don't recommend it.

I pretty much have all I need right now. Plenty of deer in these woods. A river I passed coming over too; good place to drink and bathe if I need it. I miss french-fries though, I'll admit that. I don't have any money and, unfortunately, everything these days cost _something_! Oh well. I casually walk back in the woods and run till there's no way anyone can see me. Phasing back into wolf I start sprinting again, racing against the wind. Trees zip past me; I only pay enough attention not to run into any of them. My phone conversation with Seth keeps replaying in my head and I feel Jake tentatively look into it also with his mind. Razor blades again follow the contours of my wolf form. No, not razor blades, these are longer. Sharper. Must be daggers.

Jake shies away from my pain instantly but then reaches out and accepts it, taking some of the burden on himself. It's like I said before- I'd rather deal with his pain than my own; apparently it's the same for him too.

We're silent for a couple hundred miles, sharing my agony and focusing primarily on the smells and plants of the woods, before suddenly I'm at the coast. I skid to a stop, avoiding the cliffs edge. That would've been messy. I wonder if I would have died or just been in a world of physical pain rather than my own mental and emotional suffering. Actually my hurt does feel quite physical. But every time I look down at myself there aren't any scars or blades cutting into me.

For a second the thought of jumping over the cliff in human form pops up in my head and Jake becomes livid.

_Don't even fucking try it Clearwater! _He pretty much screams this in my head. I jump, not used to having just one other voice in my mind. He didn't use his alpha voice but I'm pretty sure he would if I didn't get away from the cliff and fast.

My first reaction had it been someone else would have been scream right back and if he was in biting distance try to take an ear off or something, but this was Jacob. And he doesn't deserve to take on all this shit by himself. And I can't try to make it harder for him. I won't.

Taking some careful steps back into the woods, and away from the edge, Jake slowly starts to calm down but not enough to phase back to human.

I start running again, not much better to do. I doubt there's a town around here for at least another couple hundred miles.

Seth's little speech about everybody missing me comes back to mind again, damn it, I'll probably have it memorized pretty soon. Then I'll never forget- OH! DAMN!

A vampire's scent fills my nose setting it ablaze.

I vaguely notice Jakes change of direction; he's coming towards me in hoped of getting to tear a leech to shreds. I wince as I follow the scent, also wanting to rip someone apart.

The vamp is standing before me then, her eyes a bloody crimson. She couldn't be older than 14, maybe 15. Her blue dress looks two sizes too big, probably stolen, and her black hair is tangled and dirty. I lunge at her and by the time Jake shows up I've already gotten her right arm and a part of her leg torn off. Jacob takes her by surprise and catching her head in his massive jaws, I pull by her two legs in my mouth and we tear her in half with a loud metallic screech.

_You got a lighter? _Jake asks.

_Nope. What do you wanna do with her then? _

_Um, well, the next town is a long way off. We could spread the pieces off. I doubt anyone will be trying to put her back together. I didn't cross other vamps smell the whole way over. _Jake states.

_Sounds good. _

We have some fun spreading them out, imagining a vamp trying to find them all like a scavenger hunt. For an hour or so, we both forget about the throbbing pain.


	2. Chapter 2

Jake and I stare in cautious wonder at the house, more like a cabin or cottage really, before us. Still in our wolf forms we can easily recognize the icy leech scent polluting the air around it, but the smell is stale, old. My guess, there hasn't been a vamp around here for at least half a year or so.

We are hidden behind the greenery of the Canadian wood. It's not much different here than it was back in La Push.

Hesitantly, very hesitantly, I take a step forward. Jacob doesn't yell at me or anything so I keep making my way to the house. The smell is horrible but not as bad as it used to be, those days we spent as the Cullen's watchdogs really got me used to the putrid scent. But still I wince slightly.

I walk up to the small window and duck my head down so I can peer in; the cabin isn't that big from what I can tell, a small kitchen with stove and refrigerator and a window over the sink looking out to the dense woods behind, a tiny bedroom with just one twin sized bed, a small room just faintly larger than the bedroom with a crummy love-seat and a TV with "bunny ears." It kind of reminds me of the houses back in La Push, 'cause they weren't much grander than this.

"Quant," the deep voice surprises me. How long had it been since I heard it outside of my head?

I turn around, Jacob's human again. Did he get taller? How can he possibly still be growing?

I nod once in agreement and run off until I'm positive there is no way he could see me. I've been the pack's soft porn before, a little show for them all to stare at, and I've never really forgiven them for taking that away from me. I mean, I may have been a dog but at least I still had my dignity! Well, I did until I was finally able to phase back to human the first time and they were all there staring. All of them. Even Seth caught a glimpse before he ran off howling.

I shake my head as I walk back to Jake, trying to rid my mind of the painful and embarrassing thoughts.

Jake isn't out in front of the cabin so I follow his musky-forest scent inside.

"Place ain't half bad," I mutter more to myself than him, though I know he heard me. And I wasn't lying; the little cabin had a homey feel to it. Cozy. Inviting.

Jacob shrugged but I knew him well enough to know that he was agreeing with me.

Going into the kitchen, I have to duck my head under the doorway, I find the fridge chock full of food. Why would a blood-sucker need this? Unless they were like the Cullen's. My eyes flash to Jacob, by the torment on his face I can tell he was thinking the exact same thing as me. Ah, the pain in his fathomless black eyes was so incredibly there it was suffocating. I had to avert my gaze; it felt as though I would fall into them, his eyes, never be able to find my way out of the dark agony.

"Least there's some food" I pull out some ham slices and find the bread. Making us some sandwiches I try to ignore the obvious fact that he hasn't moved from his spot since he came in.

"Hungry? Like I have to ask," I chuckle lightly and continue babbling like one of those happy-go-lucky teen girls I've always hated. My attempts as making people feel better have always been … well, shitty. There really is not other way to describe them other than nonexistent. But right now I really did want to make Jacob feel better; why? No clue. Maybe because he's my alpha and I'm more loyal to him than I'd ever like to admit. Perhaps because I've grown closer to him than I have in years. Possibly because he truly is a decent guy whose experienced way too much pain for any one person to bear alone, like I had to.

I think back to the years, I call them my Dark Ages, after Sam left me for Emily. I think about all the phone calls and messages I flooded Sam's answering machine with, all the nights I spent crying alone, as quiet as I could manage, in my room, all the times I'd be walking down the sidewalk only to find the happy couple being, well, happy, all the times my mother tried to coax me to come back out in the world, all the nights I woke up screaming… no, I wouldn't wish that on anybody. Not even Paul, and that's saying something. And I guess that's why I'm trying so hard here to make Jake happy.

Wow, I was actually able to sort out my feelings for once. It's a fucking miracle.

"Leah, stop." The hard words bring me up short. The babble stops in my throat. I stare. "Just stop… you bothersome, bitter, harpy. God, I wish you would have thrown yourself off that damn cliff before!" I'm frozen as Jacob picks up the old TV in one hand and throws it across the small room. It crashes into the wall and falls to the wooden floor in pieces. "You're rude, bitchy, hideous, and damn near driving me insane! I mean it's no wonder Sam fucking left you for Emily, at least she's nice! At least she's pretty and smart and fun to be around; you? You're just the bitter ex girlfriend and that's all you'll ever be," harsh words … but painfully true, "I mean really? How many years has it been? Two? I bet Sam was so happy he found out he wouldn't have to deal with your shit! Hell, I bet the whole pack through their own God damned party to celebrate! I know I would've!" Each syllable cuts deep into me, too deep than I ever thought was possible coming from Jacob Black. "I would say I hate you Leah Clearwater but that just seems too emotional. No, I don't hate you. I _nothing_ you." I feel my heart stutter and skip a beat. Before he can hurt me further, I'm out the door. Running.

"Damn it!" I hear Jake yell from the cabin, I've already put a few miles between us even in human form.

I stop when the sun is nearing dusk and skip to a stop in front of an old, tall maple. I climb the tree with ease, leaping from branch to branch skillfully, silently. When I'm as close to the top as I can get without breaking a too thin branch I lean against the trunk and let my legs dangle on either side of a wide smooth branch.

I take deep breaths and try desperately not to think about Jake's cruel words and find myself thinking about nothing else. His speech repeats itself in my ears only the voice keeps changing. First it's Jake, then it comes from Sam, then mom, then each member of my former pack says it, even Seth, then Kim, then Emily, then tiny Clare, then the Cullen's, then Charlie Swan… every person I know, every person I've ever met speaks the words with the same abhorrence and frustration that Jacob used not too long ago.

I also find myself wondering why the hell I hadn't snapped back at him. I mean there are plenty of things I could've said that would have hurt him just as much as I'm hurting now, maybe more. But for some reason I held my tongue and swallowed back the vile, nasty things that popped up in my head and threatened to come out. I'm not used to not speaking my mind so, yeah; this is a first I think. And isn't it just lovely that it happened to be with Jake Fucking Black.

"Leah." I hadn't heard his approach but I did hear his voice, despite the fact that I'm well over 45 feet high and he only raised his voice above a murmur slightly.

"What?" This is barely even a whisper.

"Sorry."

I hate myself so much right now. More than I ever have really. And its mostly because I've already forgiven him.

Damn it all. I must be losing my touch.


	3. Chapter 3

I spent the night up in that stupid tree, not comfortable enough for sleep and not peaceful enough to come down. I could easily see Jacob sleeping anxiously in wolf form against the trees trunk, his long legs would kick out every now and then and a yelp or growl would slip through his snout. I tried covering my ears against the chain saw impression that I was more used to when it came from human Jake.

I didn't dare go down from fear that he would wake up. I didn't want to look in his black eyes and be reminded of the speech and pain I just endured. No, I didn't want that. Or need that.

How many cuts can one girls heart take before she shattered?

Jacob had already left his mark on me though, I could feel it throbbing silently. This cut was different was Sam's and dad's heart attack, though. Jake's cut was more around my kidney rather than Sam's had been right over my heart and dad's was in my head, slicing my brain into cottage cheese. Jake's cut was like a hard blow to my kidney area, totally taking me off guard and leaving me painfully vulnerable.

I watched the sun rise over the tree's, illuminating the pine needles and soft dirt around me. If I wasn't in so much agony, I could have enjoyed the beauty of how the sky changed colors gradually, making all the tiny points of light dissapear with the darkness.

My eyes flashed back down to Jake, he was still sleeping.

The sharp wind blew through my hair, down to my shoulders now. About time for another hair cut, if I let it keep growing then my wolf fur will just keep getting longer and shaggier. When I first changed my hair fell down my back straight as a board, but my fur made me look like a sheep dog so when I went home I took a pair of scissors and _snip, snip, snip. _Mom wasn't exactly happy about that but she cut her hair too, I had never felt closer to her.

With a wary glance back at a still sleeping Jacob I sprang out off my tree and caught a thin branch with my right hand on a neighboring maple. There wasn't any need to worry about the scrawny branch snapping at my weight, for some odd reason they never broke under any of our weight, not even Jake's and he's always been the tallest, most bulky.

I leaped out again and caught a thicker, sturdier, branch with my left hand on another maple. I continued this pattern till I was sure Jacob wouldn't hear my whisper quiet landing. I landed on the balls of my feet, falling forward just a little into a croached position with my left hand firmly on the soft dirt and my right in the air.

And then I took off running, kicking dirt behind me with a start. I would have phased but decided against it; Jacob still being all wolfed out.

For some unknown reason, I felt the odd desire to get back to civilization. I wanted to blend in with a crowd, to feel like I wasn't all alone with my self.

I've only been to Canada a few short times before when we were hunting the redhead vamp but that was all in wolf form and we never really did go anywhere near a city or town or nothing. That was all work. Well, now I'm determined that this will be ... not work. I'm not sure exactly how to make this fun or anything so I'll just go with ... yeah, not work. Lovely.

The sad thing is though, I have no fucking clue where in Canada I am.

I stop running and look around to get my bearings. Okay, the sun rises in the East... damn I wish I could still see the North star... um... oh forget this!

I start running again, away from the rising sun... so that means I'm going West. I hope.

Geography was never my strong point in school.

I take quick sniffs of the wind blowing past me and freeze again. Was that a Burger King I just smelled?

I take more sniffs and run off in the direction I'm hoping Burger King is. This would be easier if I just swallowed my pain and went wolf but I'm too much of a chicken shit for that.

Low and behold... there was a Burger King waiting for me just 28 miles Northwest of where I was before. I wanted to run in there and buy myself a chicken sandwich but the stranger staring at me from a small puddle made me stop.

I looked... bad. Dark bruises around my lifeless, brown eyes, a grimace that never seems to leave playing on my lips, my black hair was pretty much covered in dirt and mud and bugs that flew into it while I ran, my face looks depressed too... agonized.

I look down at my clothes, the black, baggy tee shirt I'd worn the first day I'd left Sam's pack for Jacobs is ripped in several places, the right sleeve completely gone too, and the light tan shorts had been dyed brown with grass stains and caked with mud. My finger nails were long and ragged with dirt under them. My bare feet had mud and dirt all over them along with a few blades of grass.

I look disgusting. Mom would have a total freak out if she saw me!

No way could I go in there like this. My stomach growled furiously, saliva formed in my mouth.

With an angry snarl I sprint to a nearby river and strip. There's not much I can do really, just try to untangle my hair, scrub the layer of grim and sweat off my skin, dig the dirt out from under my nails and bite them short again, force a painfully fake smile on my lips and try to beat the mud off my clothes, which didn't work at all might I add.

With a sigh of defeat I got dressed after I had dried my clothes as much as I could and stomped over to the Burger King only to remember that I have zero money to pay with.

I'm stuck outside the doors for half a second before ym hunger wins out and I order four chicken sandwiches with three large fries and five large Dr. Peppers. I try to take my time eating this and not stuff my face but its hard, how long has it been since I ate meat that didn't come off an animal I just killed? I eat this by myself in the booth closest to the bathroom. People stare but I ignore them best I can. When I'm finished I casually walk in the bathroom which is thankfully empty. The window is locked but I tear it off with ease and slid through calmly.

I feel a little bit better with my belly full of the familiar food. I rub it while I walk back into the woods, I'm used to how my stomach is always flat and hard no matter how much fast food I eat. Actually the more I eat the stronger I get, like the more I'm in wolf form the bigger and stronger I get. We use up a lot of calories and carbs so yeah we get hungry pretty easy.

He made no sound as he watched so I didn't notice him till the wind blew his familiar scent in my face. And again it was like getting punch in the kidney, the cut there ached and burned around the edges.

I froze.

He remained frozen.

We just stood there.

I did not turn to meet his gaze.

I could feel his eyes on my face, making it burn furiously.

My hands shook ever so slightly.

"Hey." The word came wobbly and awkward through my lips.

"HI." I felt better when his voice sounded just as vulnerable and clumsy as mine.

"You okay?" I asked, my neck and face flamed as I realized what I just said.

"'M fine. You?" I could tell what he was asking me here, he needed to know if he had hurt me and if he was forgiven.

I closed me eyes against the fire that had engulfed me with his question. Yes, he hurt me. Yes, he was forgiven.

When I did answer him my voice didn't waver, much to my surprise.

"Yeah, I'll live."


End file.
